God establishes individuals in families (Psalm 68:6).
Life's journey and encounters with Jesus happen within the framework of family. If you seek love, grace, and healing, God's family is where you'll discover them. Grace thrives in churches that operate as families, but those resembling businesses or military units often miss out. This observation is not meant to criticize local churches but to fortify the concept of God's wonderful family. An orphaned world craves a sense of belonging, and the church serves as God's solution (see Eph 3:10).
What defines a church as a family is a crucial question for leaders. Unfortunately, during my time leading different churches, this question rarely surfaced. The term "family" didn't even feature in our vision and values statement. (Does it in yours?)
My intention is not to induce guilt but to pose a vital question. Are we truly a family? Is our togetherness authentic, or is it merely surface-level? Are we purveyors of grace, or do we extinguish it? While I don't claim to have all the answers, I'll initiate the conversation. (Feel free to contribute your insights below.) Here are seven elements that I believe distinguish a church as a family, and, by extension, what makes a family:
Unconditional Love
Within a healthy family, love is unwavering, regardless of one's actions. Conversely, in a church devoid of love, relationships hinge on theological conformity, risking exclusion for those with differing views. This however is not Kingdom. The kingdom of God embraces diversity and encourages questions. Unity is not conformity but diversity with the same goal. Think of it like an orchestra. There are many different types of instruments and all make diffrent sounds but under the conductor they all play the same song.
2. Love-Centered Relationships
Personal relationships in my family are founded on love. Marriage and parenting are not utilitarian transactions based on skill sets or contributions. Similarly, churches can become task-oriented, limiting intimate connections to those involved in specific roles.
3. Authenticity
Families are messy and genuine. Churches, however, may strive for a polished facade, leading to burnout and anxiety. Life involves more than structured meetings and speeches; it encompasses the messy, real aspects of existence. In a grace center church you don't have to hide who you are, you can be your authentic messy self as we are all on the same journey often just at different places in that journey.
4. Provider-Receiver Dynamics
In a family, parents provide love, sustenance, and support, while children receive. Unfortunately, some churches convey a different message, emphasizing contribution over reception. Recognizing God as the ultimate provider is essential to fostering a familial atmosphere.
5. Empowering Children
Just as parents teach children to think independently, churches should avoid legalistic preaching. The Holy Spirit, not the law, guides believers. Those led by the Spirit are liberated, whereas legalism leads to condemnation.
6. Encouraging Independent Thought
Unlike the noble Bereans who were praised for examining things independently (Acts 17:11), some churches discourage questioning. Individuals are sometimes urged not to question leadership, hindering spiritual growth. Questions are not the enemy and to foster authenitc growth we must pursue dialogue over dogma.
7. Encouraging Dreams
Families and churches send distinct messages: either fostering belief in individual potential or instilling mistrust and control. A flourishing church encourages dreams, acknowledging the unique purpose God has embedded in each person.
In summary, a church becomes a family through unconditional love, love-centered relationships, authenticity, recognizing God as the ultimate provider, empowering and encouraging independent thought and fostering dreams. These principles echo what constitutes a healthy family as well.
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